Self Worth From A Phone
For every parent of a tween/teen: Because of my work with children and youth, I receive lots of emails and blog posts about important issues; and what has been filling my inbox lately is the impact of social media apps on our youth. I’ve had a heightened awareness for awhile about the risks to the physical safety of our kids, but something I read really got me thinking about the emotional/heart safety of our kids.
Just as important as physical safety is emotional safety for our kids!
It’s dangerous to measure self-worth through a phone. But now, for the first time ever, our kids can determine their “worth” using actual numbers provided by the “likes” and “followers” of their peers. As if the tween and teen years aren’t difficult and awkward enough, now our children have their personal dramas portrayed for an audience and their private humiliations live forever in cyber space.
So here is a wonderful post about one of the most popular tween social media apps; Instagram. Please take a moment to read it! This was originally posted by Sarah Brooks, a parent and youth ministry volunteer who shared what she talked about with middle school girls at a recent event. I couldn’t have said it better!
Protecting Kids’ Heart Deep Identity: A Note to Parents about Instagram
Think back to when you were in junior high. How did you know you were “cool”? A popular girl probably wrote you a note and put it in your locker or asked you to sit with her at lunch, right? There were a few eyewitnesses and it was pure joy.
Do you remember back-to-school shopping? You bought the trendiest new shirts and shoes. But how did you know if your new shirt was cute? Someone told you, probably. How did you know if your new shirt was hideous? Again, someone probably told you. Or made fun of you, but luckily it was just between you and that person. Or – worst case scenario – between you and that person and their posse. Still, not life altering.
That was then. This is now:
Your middle schooler buys a new shirt and what’s the first thing she does? Takes a selfie (self-portrait, for those out of the loop) and posts it on Instagram.
Ok, so not a big deal, this is how the world is. Your kids feel the need to share every single decision they ever make with the world at large. It’s just “kids these days”.
It’s true. It is “kids these days”. But does the feedback they receive on Instagram impact them? Do you think they base their identity in it?
What happens when your daughter’s new shirt picture didn’t get as many “likes” or comments as the picture her friend posted of her new shirt?
Do you think she even cares about that stuff? Yea, I’d say so. Your sons do, too:
We’re no longer in world of handwritten “circle yes or no” notes between two people; your kids are living social lives on a completely public forum.
This is not new information.
But, taking it a step further: have you considered that your child is given numerical values on which to base his or her social standing? For the first time ever your children can determine their “worth” using actual numbers provided by their peers!
Let me explain…
Your daughter has 139 followers which is 23 less than Jessica, but 56 more than Beau. Your son’s photo had 38 likes which was 14 less than Travis’ photo, but 22 more than Spencer’s.
See what I mean? There’s a number attached to them. A ranking.
And if you think they don’t actually pay attention to this stuff, do you see what’s happening? #3newfollowers, #77likes #i#am#so#popular, #morefollowersplease
They’re definitely paying attention. And it’s definitely affecting them. It’s not just about assumed popularity anymore. It’s explicit. It’s quantifiable.
At arguably the most awkward time in their lives, a crucial time of development when they are trying to figure out who they are and where they belong, this is what they’re up against. A quantifiable popularity ranking.
They know exactly – to the digit – how many followers they have (and who they follow that isn’t following them back). They get their feelings hurt when the popular kids “like” the pictures above and below theirs on the Instagram newsfeed, but not their picture. They delete pictures of themselves when they don’t get as many likes as they were hoping for. They don’t get invited to parties, but see all the fun they missed out on in every photo posted from it. They post ugly pictures of their friends to get revenge for some heinous act they committed (like saying Louis is their favorite One Direction member).
Whoa.
Before we all freak out and delete Instagram and all other social apps, may I just say (with approximately zero authority or expertise on the subject): This is no cause for mass hysteria. My intent is not to scare you away from these sites, because I don’t think the solution is to write them off entirely. This is a part of your kids’ communication that is here to stay. (I don’t just mean Instagram – it could die tomorrow. But social media? It’s here for good, in some form or fashion.)
Remember: social media can be SO FUN. (I know you love some Pinterest, girl.)
Plus, not all kids are the same. Some place an unhealthy amount of self worth in their social media accounts, some could care less about it. Regardless, it’s important to think about no matter where your children fall on the spectrum.
My intent is to dig a little deeper into the impact these sites can have on your kids. To start thinking about how to safeguard childrens’ hearts and minds against what appears to a 12 year old to be concrete numerical evidence about their value and popularity.
How do you regulate activity on these sites while keeping it fun for your kids? How do you talk to them about the numbers (likes, comments, followers) provided by their peers not being an accurate representation of their value and worth? How do you teach them to base their identity solely in God who loves them no matter what?
I have no idea.
I can tell you what we talked about with our 8th grade friends:
We talked about posting photos of things other than themselves, to avoid setting themselves up for insecurity about their appearance. We talked about guarding their hearts with God’s Word and reminding themselves whose they were. We talked about inner beauty and encouraging their friends’ strengths and…a whole host of other stuff.
What we said isn’t really important. What’s important is where you come in, parents. You know your kids and you know the insecurities they face.
I hope this information is helpful for you, or at least gets you thinking.
I love your kids so, so much and I want them to know just how special and wonderful and unique they are. I don’t want a stupid thing like followers and likes to tell them any differently. Sarah Brooks
To read this article in its entirety, check it out:
- See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/tinseltalk/2013/04/protecting-kids-heart-deep-identity-a-note-to-parents-about-instagram/#sthash.22vIiM9y.dpuf
I too, love the kids in my church, school and neighborhood, and want every young person to know their self worth does not come from a phone! If you believe it too; let our young people know it! I know I’m going to have this conversation with our tweens and teens in our programs this fall!
Finally, most of our children will not be kidnapped or hurt by a stranger who found them through a social network but some will, so here are some tips to protect youth from physical harm from social media apps:
A. -Don’t get me started about Vine and Snapchat… some of the most popular pornographic apps around… sure they “restricted” Vine to ages 17+, but it’s an easy work around and innocent hashtag searches on words like pets, sports, etc, call up violent sexually explicit videos, and everything you post is public.
B. The most popular app for tweens/teens is Instagram; which recently also added video capability, up to 15 seconds in length, which opens the door to inappropriate content even more than pictures; but at least it has the ability to make your account private.
C. TOP 5 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PROTECT YOUR YOUTH ON SOCIAL MEDIA APPS:
1. - child’s account should be private- although be aware that Instagram and others owns all photos and they or any third party advertiser can take and use them however they want
2. - turn off the geo-location service on the instagram settings! Do not activate Instagram’s photo map option. If it’s on, anyone can track where your child is through their pictures at any time; they will know the exact location instantly!
3. -maintain control of your child’s password and the right to nix any followers, followees, posts or comments. Don’t be sneaky, let your kids know what you are doing.
4. set limits: these apps are highly addictive, ( a good limit is no more than twice daily at 15 minutes each)
5- practice online etiquette together: make positive comments on friends' posts. Scroll through other kids' pictures and talk about which ones are appropriate or not. Show how to block and report people. It’s imperative to tell them that a picture they post on Instagram is akin to posting it on a billboard at school. A billboard that never goes away.
How many 10- or 12-year-olds actually have 200-300 “friends?” What child should publicize a stream of photos documenting her life and thoughts for hundreds of others? Perhaps because so many adults, including myself, have adopted socializing in this manner, it’s considered acceptable for children.
But those aren’t friends. That’s an audience…
and some of those audience members are not the cute 12 year old soccer playing girl, but a 26 year old male in disguise.
Members of the Duluth Police Department can attest to this; they even do it themselves, disguising themselves as teens to serve as bait to catch sexual predators; in our neighborhoods, in our town. Do you really want them seeing pictures of your tween in their bedroom or living room? It’s unnerving that anyone can spy on her conversations with her BFFs. Check your child’s profile; I’m see ones that are public with kids names on them, their cell phone number, where they live, what school they go to, pictures that say exactly where they are…
Are we comfortable letting our children explore their developing sense of self, their sexuality and friendships in a photographic record in front of an audience? Would we allow them to tape pictures of themselves outside our front doors?
I’m not going to make an argument for or against preteens using Instagram or other apps; that a personal decision for parents; but all parents should be having conversations with their kids about social media! We have and as a result we’ve made changes in our house, voluntarily by both youth and adult members. I want every young person to know; their self-worth does not come from a phone.
References: MNPTA, safekids.org, Aisha Sultan- St Louis Post Dispatch, Sarah Brookes, other resources and information from local law enforcement.
For every parent of a tween/teen: Because of my work with children and youth, I receive lots of emails and blog posts about important issues; and what has been filling my inbox lately is the impact of social media apps on our youth. I’ve had a heightened awareness for awhile about the risks to the physical safety of our kids, but something I read really got me thinking about the emotional/heart safety of our kids.
Just as important as physical safety is emotional safety for our kids!
It’s dangerous to measure self-worth through a phone. But now, for the first time ever, our kids can determine their “worth” using actual numbers provided by the “likes” and “followers” of their peers. As if the tween and teen years aren’t difficult and awkward enough, now our children have their personal dramas portrayed for an audience and their private humiliations live forever in cyber space.
So here is a wonderful post about one of the most popular tween social media apps; Instagram. Please take a moment to read it! This was originally posted by Sarah Brooks, a parent and youth ministry volunteer who shared what she talked about with middle school girls at a recent event. I couldn’t have said it better!
Protecting Kids’ Heart Deep Identity: A Note to Parents about Instagram
Think back to when you were in junior high. How did you know you were “cool”? A popular girl probably wrote you a note and put it in your locker or asked you to sit with her at lunch, right? There were a few eyewitnesses and it was pure joy.
Do you remember back-to-school shopping? You bought the trendiest new shirts and shoes. But how did you know if your new shirt was cute? Someone told you, probably. How did you know if your new shirt was hideous? Again, someone probably told you. Or made fun of you, but luckily it was just between you and that person. Or – worst case scenario – between you and that person and their posse. Still, not life altering.
That was then. This is now:
Your middle schooler buys a new shirt and what’s the first thing she does? Takes a selfie (self-portrait, for those out of the loop) and posts it on Instagram.
Ok, so not a big deal, this is how the world is. Your kids feel the need to share every single decision they ever make with the world at large. It’s just “kids these days”.
It’s true. It is “kids these days”. But does the feedback they receive on Instagram impact them? Do you think they base their identity in it?
What happens when your daughter’s new shirt picture didn’t get as many “likes” or comments as the picture her friend posted of her new shirt?
Do you think she even cares about that stuff? Yea, I’d say so. Your sons do, too:
We’re no longer in world of handwritten “circle yes or no” notes between two people; your kids are living social lives on a completely public forum.
This is not new information.
But, taking it a step further: have you considered that your child is given numerical values on which to base his or her social standing? For the first time ever your children can determine their “worth” using actual numbers provided by their peers!
Let me explain…
Your daughter has 139 followers which is 23 less than Jessica, but 56 more than Beau. Your son’s photo had 38 likes which was 14 less than Travis’ photo, but 22 more than Spencer’s.
See what I mean? There’s a number attached to them. A ranking.
And if you think they don’t actually pay attention to this stuff, do you see what’s happening? #3newfollowers, #77likes #i#am#so#popular, #morefollowersplease
They’re definitely paying attention. And it’s definitely affecting them. It’s not just about assumed popularity anymore. It’s explicit. It’s quantifiable.
At arguably the most awkward time in their lives, a crucial time of development when they are trying to figure out who they are and where they belong, this is what they’re up against. A quantifiable popularity ranking.
They know exactly – to the digit – how many followers they have (and who they follow that isn’t following them back). They get their feelings hurt when the popular kids “like” the pictures above and below theirs on the Instagram newsfeed, but not their picture. They delete pictures of themselves when they don’t get as many likes as they were hoping for. They don’t get invited to parties, but see all the fun they missed out on in every photo posted from it. They post ugly pictures of their friends to get revenge for some heinous act they committed (like saying Louis is their favorite One Direction member).
Whoa.
Before we all freak out and delete Instagram and all other social apps, may I just say (with approximately zero authority or expertise on the subject): This is no cause for mass hysteria. My intent is not to scare you away from these sites, because I don’t think the solution is to write them off entirely. This is a part of your kids’ communication that is here to stay. (I don’t just mean Instagram – it could die tomorrow. But social media? It’s here for good, in some form or fashion.)
Remember: social media can be SO FUN. (I know you love some Pinterest, girl.)
Plus, not all kids are the same. Some place an unhealthy amount of self worth in their social media accounts, some could care less about it. Regardless, it’s important to think about no matter where your children fall on the spectrum.
My intent is to dig a little deeper into the impact these sites can have on your kids. To start thinking about how to safeguard childrens’ hearts and minds against what appears to a 12 year old to be concrete numerical evidence about their value and popularity.
How do you regulate activity on these sites while keeping it fun for your kids? How do you talk to them about the numbers (likes, comments, followers) provided by their peers not being an accurate representation of their value and worth? How do you teach them to base their identity solely in God who loves them no matter what?
I have no idea.
I can tell you what we talked about with our 8th grade friends:
We talked about posting photos of things other than themselves, to avoid setting themselves up for insecurity about their appearance. We talked about guarding their hearts with God’s Word and reminding themselves whose they were. We talked about inner beauty and encouraging their friends’ strengths and…a whole host of other stuff.
What we said isn’t really important. What’s important is where you come in, parents. You know your kids and you know the insecurities they face.
I hope this information is helpful for you, or at least gets you thinking.
I love your kids so, so much and I want them to know just how special and wonderful and unique they are. I don’t want a stupid thing like followers and likes to tell them any differently. Sarah Brooks
To read this article in its entirety, check it out:
- See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/tinseltalk/2013/04/protecting-kids-heart-deep-identity-a-note-to-parents-about-instagram/#sthash.22vIiM9y.dpuf
I too, love the kids in my church, school and neighborhood, and want every young person to know their self worth does not come from a phone! If you believe it too; let our young people know it! I know I’m going to have this conversation with our tweens and teens in our programs this fall!
Finally, most of our children will not be kidnapped or hurt by a stranger who found them through a social network but some will, so here are some tips to protect youth from physical harm from social media apps:
A. -Don’t get me started about Vine and Snapchat… some of the most popular pornographic apps around… sure they “restricted” Vine to ages 17+, but it’s an easy work around and innocent hashtag searches on words like pets, sports, etc, call up violent sexually explicit videos, and everything you post is public.
B. The most popular app for tweens/teens is Instagram; which recently also added video capability, up to 15 seconds in length, which opens the door to inappropriate content even more than pictures; but at least it has the ability to make your account private.
C. TOP 5 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PROTECT YOUR YOUTH ON SOCIAL MEDIA APPS:
1. - child’s account should be private- although be aware that Instagram and others owns all photos and they or any third party advertiser can take and use them however they want
2. - turn off the geo-location service on the instagram settings! Do not activate Instagram’s photo map option. If it’s on, anyone can track where your child is through their pictures at any time; they will know the exact location instantly!
3. -maintain control of your child’s password and the right to nix any followers, followees, posts or comments. Don’t be sneaky, let your kids know what you are doing.
4. set limits: these apps are highly addictive, ( a good limit is no more than twice daily at 15 minutes each)
5- practice online etiquette together: make positive comments on friends' posts. Scroll through other kids' pictures and talk about which ones are appropriate or not. Show how to block and report people. It’s imperative to tell them that a picture they post on Instagram is akin to posting it on a billboard at school. A billboard that never goes away.
How many 10- or 12-year-olds actually have 200-300 “friends?” What child should publicize a stream of photos documenting her life and thoughts for hundreds of others? Perhaps because so many adults, including myself, have adopted socializing in this manner, it’s considered acceptable for children.
But those aren’t friends. That’s an audience…
and some of those audience members are not the cute 12 year old soccer playing girl, but a 26 year old male in disguise.
Members of the Duluth Police Department can attest to this; they even do it themselves, disguising themselves as teens to serve as bait to catch sexual predators; in our neighborhoods, in our town. Do you really want them seeing pictures of your tween in their bedroom or living room? It’s unnerving that anyone can spy on her conversations with her BFFs. Check your child’s profile; I’m see ones that are public with kids names on them, their cell phone number, where they live, what school they go to, pictures that say exactly where they are…
Are we comfortable letting our children explore their developing sense of self, their sexuality and friendships in a photographic record in front of an audience? Would we allow them to tape pictures of themselves outside our front doors?
I’m not going to make an argument for or against preteens using Instagram or other apps; that a personal decision for parents; but all parents should be having conversations with their kids about social media! We have and as a result we’ve made changes in our house, voluntarily by both youth and adult members. I want every young person to know; their self-worth does not come from a phone.
References: MNPTA, safekids.org, Aisha Sultan- St Louis Post Dispatch, Sarah Brookes, other resources and information from local law enforcement.
